Man i haven't written on this thing for a whole month thats kinda terrible. i guess i just really havent had to since i've had a pretty good month. nothin really monumental. but i've been in a really good place lately. plus i almost got to go to the club this past weekend in chicago. ooooh i was too mad when my cuz didn't wanna go anymore but its ok, she's my favorite anyways and she was going through some drama so i had to be nice. But yeah my month's been nice, thinkin bout going to prom now. and nate told me today that some guy has a crush on me, im gonna make him tell me who it is, i dont wanna be dissappointed and i'm thinkin its bout time i get into the whole dating scene. funny tho i've had alotta options this month, some not so desirable but some worth lookin into i geuss. we'll see. but def thinkin i wanna go to prom so we'll see if a date will be involved or not. hmmmm. so wat else........today's my pops bday, kinda nice we didn't fight today and i didn't get a lecture which was really nice. well see my parents seem to be budging just a lil itty bit wit their strictness well see this weekend.

 "he ain't nothin but a pimp, he gotta lotta  chics, he always in trouble, so what, so what."-Field Mobb feat. Ciara

everywhere. talk about a complete take over. i find that lately alot of my conversations have happened upon the subject of the infamous Valentines Day omg, (V-day)  or the fascinating idea of prom, (which i am actually lookin forward to). and all i can think when i hear either word is couples.....i swear its like they're everywhere. all around me there are couples. couples in love. couples fighting. couples laughing. gay couples. straight couples. ugly couples. hot couples. regular couples. hated couples. "aww they're cute" couples. or ppl that are bout to be a damn couple.....just couples, couples, couples!.... i feel so alone, jeez....i mean its cool i geuss but i would kill to be wit a special someone right now and be fightin, lovin, kissin, hell, even cussin each otha out, so long as we could say "yeah were a couple" and look at each otha like we wouldn't have it any otha way. just want one of those moments even if its only fo a min...too bad the guys i hang wit just dont work out... i gotta want you more huh..... yah anyways school is actually going wonderfully, but i do gotta get to this young paper so im out

simply deisha

" i really gotta kno, do u trust me, do u trust me now, i really gotta kno...u kno that i love u and that aint gon' change, even tho u not here wit me now, that aint gon' change" - Donell Jones

good day. loved it. ppl are so loverly....haha, so one of my good friends has been trying for months and months to get me to let her hook me up wit somebody, but i keep sayin naw i'll find somebody right on my own......well that hasn't been workin so well since im not out enough to find guys i actually wanna hang out wit, so another one of my friends just today was like man im gonna hook u up wit one of my boyfriend's friends, one of whom i've met before, but i def was just going along with it not really seriously but she is dead serious and def is gonna let me know after this weekend who some potential dudes could be. funny thing is im not so sure i want that rite now....im still thinking that maybe things will work themselves out....that just maybe somebody will knock me off my feet  all on their own, but unless that happens this weekend im thinking im looking to get into the dating scene i geuss, but the problem is i've never really been into the whole dating thing. i can count the number of dates i've been on unfortunately on one hand which may sound pathetic but for those of u who know me very well, you could prolly geuss the reason.....(daddy dearest)....lol.....so yeah im wondering if i'll get any potentials and when and how im gonna see them.....hmmm, we'll see, im not gonna set myself up for any dissapointment, but im kinda excited.......

everything changes.....its weird to see friendships fall apart and new ones take their place like the one before was nothin.....kinda scary to realize how far apart we can grow from each other.....i would like to think that i'll still be in contact with at least half of my friends after high school if not all of them.....but when i think about how many years are gonna pass before we see each other or all the different directions that we are gonna go in, its exciting but frightening cuz im gonna lose alot of folks. the comfort is that i will always have the memories of spending time with all my friends which i can never lose, all i can hope is that i always remember and try to stay connected with all the ppl who matter in my life right now as long as possible

mmmmm this is a start to a very thoughtful weekend, but gotta go cuz jazz is comin ova. might come bak lata after one of our gurl talks......

simply deisha

" All the girls see the boys, see their kicks and say 'Oh boi!'"-Camron

wow. something new i learned about myself. talking is how i cope with stress "instead of drinking, having sex and having rolls of cookie dough" as my fav pre-calc teacher would say. funny she said that to my parents. i am a good kid.............

finally i feel like im getting it....its been hard to do, but i just had to do it....and just be.......

simply deisha

no messages. no calls. it's not a surprise really. i already knew. but i still wanted to see that light on my phone go off. i shouldn't care. i say i dont. but i do. i say it was just a thing, it wasn't important. but i now i wanted it to be so much more. man reality is a bitch. talk about a slap in the face. i geuss it just takes more than one for me, tho. but you kno wat. love is gonna kick my ass, romanticly, with my, family, and even with my friends...at some point i kno that each one is gonna kick me in the ass......but the key is always getting bak off your ass and looking for the right thing. it just took me way too long to realize that. i cant change wat other ppl do i just gotta do me......

simply deisha